I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Green mimosas i think yes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
