I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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