your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
