Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there is glitter all over my balls
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
