Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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