Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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