Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
