Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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