never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
