It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
