Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
