saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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