It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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