There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
