can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
