Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We have started to decorate penises.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
