Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
