he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
