I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
