I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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