If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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