I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
