Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
