so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude i'm inner monologue high
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
