the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
