Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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