mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
