i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
