:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
