Four minutes until I can fart!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
