Whod you bang
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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