I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
