Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
