Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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