I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
