She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
