He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
