I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
