You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
