Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
