yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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