you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
