so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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