This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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