Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
