dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
