Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
