I hate all girls vehemently.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
