Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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