So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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