Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
