Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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