I skipped work to stalk him.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
