so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
