and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
