her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You ate ashes out of my bong
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
