i jhust puked up my retainher.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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