don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
