I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
