if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
