i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
