she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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