Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.

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(209): View more from California

Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot

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(770): View more from Georgia

So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

(404): View more from Georgia

Dont! You were just serving you country

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(703): View more from Virginia

How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

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(406): View more from Montana

drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.

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(760): View more from California

If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies

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(631): View more from New York

he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.

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