Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
