I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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