Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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