he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
