All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
