I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
