I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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