For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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