just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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