MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
