Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
