Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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