Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
