The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The Olympian is in my bed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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