It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
