my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
