I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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