its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
