The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
